Moonly Review 🌓 How am I fooling myself?
Weaving threads of life through the time of Darkness
It's kinda embarrassing to admit but I am struggling at the moment.
I'm totally ok with struggling, because that's a natural part of the lifecycle, however what triggers the feeling of embarrassment is that I found myself in the simplest kind of traps, which is a phenomenal reminder to keep the beginners mind as a permanent posture in life. Humility, silence, and then this precious moment when you notice always feels special.
Transcript:
I can be here facing the Dark alone. Fuck. It's hard. I feel like screaming into the night but there is no voice in me yet. It's too early for that. What a ride of emotions. I'm here, in freefall now feeling like there is no end in the Dark I'm falling through...So I keep on falling, and the I notice, and then the interesting thing happens.
Something cracks.
The hinge opens.
[CRACKING SOUND PLAYS]
And in a quick moment of insight everything magically realigns, releasing pressure and tension into the air.
It might look like this:
What a good feeling that is.
My hinge are my cards and my journals.
1.5 Moon cycles ago, playing Prioritise Priorities guided me to shift my circadian rhythms to wake up early and make time for 2 hours of morning journaling. In other words: I made time for insight. I also felt called to look through my most powerful journal, starting on 15 of March 2017 when I begun a new cycle of my life and started journaling every day.
My journals are my proof of badass.
As I flip through my past self, I reconnect with the vitality, alignment, purpose, love, and the fucking inextinguishable energy that I embody.
In the same time, I am here, facing my Shadow, amplified 1000x by the insanely powerful energy field generated by one of Earth's highest mountains - that is if you count from the Ocean floor rather than surface. I find it deeply meaningful that out of all possible places, I have been called to build my primary Home right on the tip of a vortex.
The energy here moves in weird ways, and it moves me along with it.
The Shadow is not just about my flaws, fears, and suddenly unveiled blindspots, but also about the realisation that I postponed what I claim to be my biggest dream for 6 fucking years. That's a long time. While yarning with one of the Healers of the Island we reached an important questions to ask yourself:
Am I fooling myself?
Or, to phrase it in a more useful and humble way:
How am I fooling myself?
(I allow it to sink in.)
…
It's wonderful to be the Fool. Fool can speak the Truth.
I am a fool, and I embrace that part of me, and I am grateful for the hard-to-face Wisdom that it proclaims loudly while blasting bagpipes. I am also grateful for the Freedom that it brings.
Ultimately I am free.
The Freedom can be embodied in many ways. The video above is my Shamanic Platypus Walk, when I felt the call to walk around a mini-burn in Portugal with freediving fins on. It was ridiculous and deeply profound. As I embody the Fool I find Wisdom.
Slow down. Be present. It's ok to fall. You can do anything you choose. It might be ridiculous, impractical, or whatever, and still - you get to choose.
So I choose.
I choose to live my personal legend, and I have my cards to remind me of that every day.
The funny thing is, that as I make a choice to recommit to myself, nothing gets easier. I'm still overwhelmed facing the demons having a party in my head. I'm still unclear on what my personal legend calls for (or I fool myself that I don't know). And yet, I laugh.
I laugh at myself, first and foremost, and I laugh at the absurdity of my struggles. I laugh with kindness. I laugh with gratitude. Tears roll down my cheeks and finally I get my voice back.
Thing is - insights are easy.
The challenging part is to embody insights continuously, consistently, infinitely. My journal is my mirror. My cards are my spells. These are powerful tools. Tools are useful. And yet, it is my responsibility to weave the threads of my life and honour sacred vows I make to myself and to others.
My Legend calls. Am I here to answer?
As one cycle closes, another opens up. The infinite line of life continues its journey, whether I'm on board or not. Thank you for witnessing. You are in my heart.
