Moonly Review 🌕 Beyond The Darkness
Moving beyond what I am.
- What would you like to ask the Darkness?
- What's beyond the Light?
- What Light?
- The Light that we all share.
- There is definitely Darkness.
- And beyond that?
- The Darkness cannot go beyond itself.
Happy Full Moon, Dearest Beautiful Soul!
May it be a powerful one for you!
The last month has been one of the most intense transformation periods in my life so far. My Infinity Squares reflect it quite well. A lot has shifted, with the most important thing being myself.
I finally finished a Long Awaited Letter I have been writing to a dear friend of mine. And as I'm approaching the end of the day in Traditional Dream Factory (TDF) it feels like the letter wants to be read by more people, so here I am, sharing it with you with some minor edits. Thank you for the opportunity to revisit these wonderful days.
(Btw, you'll also find my Moonly Video from the previous moon cycle at the end.)
This letter has taken quite some time to form. My intention was to send it to you before leaving from Pico, but my last weeks have been way too intense to manage. I finally sat down to it during my transition to TDF, and wrote most of it, but didn't manage to hit send before arriving here. And once I arrived to TDF the richness of community life took most of my space and I had to focus on drawing clear boundaries to protect the self-time necessary to function well.
I know that you're very familiar with that process after landing in Tui, and I'm really grateful for your patience.
Okay, let's go!
I'm sitting inside a dome in Terceira, in the middle of an unexpected island hopping.
It turned out that leaving this wonderful archipelago is quite difficult. I've left from Pico on the 21st of May and went to Faial to look for a boat to take me to the Traditional Dream Factory.
Life, or course, works in mysterious ways, and instead of a boat I found a Toad, a very special one, known as Bufo Alvarius.
Looking back at this past months, since you left to New Zealand back in February, it feels like the Toad Medicine Ceremony was a rebirth into the new chapter of my life. It has been a challenging and absolutely wonderful few months. I've been facing a lot of internal darkness, surrendering to it, and finding inextinguishable Light shining brighter than ever on the other side.
I went through Uncoupling with Silvia, which left a deep wound which is now healing well, along with a tremendous amount of gratitude for being together for 8 years, which in the context of my short 33-year-old life is quite a significant chunk.
Shortly after your departure I visited my family in Poland, which has been the most touching experience I could imagine. For the first time I felt very connected to them, and even if we haven't really done activities that I'd consider "super meaningful", it somehow felt very profound to simply Be together.
And then I came to TDF, which as you know, opened up a possibility of being a Steward in this beautiful project, which catalysed this entire journey that I am on right now, including the crazy island hopping. Instead of Pico - Lisbon, SATA took me to Lisbon via Faial, Terceira and Sao Miguel. But in the midst of all the confusion I was just dancing and laughing.
It was a magnificent transition, and I'm still surprised to say it, but I'm happy that I didn't get to sail.
After leaving from Pico, I spent a week in Horta looking for a boat, but no one seemed to be going to Portugal and the weather was against me. I've been hanging out at Peter's, writing a lot, and processing life in what felt a little bubble suspended in the middle of No-Time. There was Darkness, Light, Pain, Joy, walking in the marina feeling the energy of the Ocean and courageous people who dare to cross it, dancing in the middle of it all, and walking, walking, walking.
A big insight, which I intuitively knew, but couldn't somehow grasp was that I want to sail without time - a feeling that I feel that you're familiar with after spending a chunk on your life on a boat. Having a deadline (beginning of my Stewardship in TDF) and sailing just don't go well together. And I feel that the time to be on the water for a while is coming, but before it can happen I feel the need to have a Home in Pico - a place where I could always come back to.
I feel so blessed to have discovered the Azores, and so grateful for the Carnival of the last two years (as one of my teachers calls the Covidian Narrative) locking me down in the island for a month longer that I originally planned. That month changed everything. It was just enough to understand intellectually what my heart probably new from the first day: that I just found a Home, which is something I thought won't happen for a while as I was happily nomading around the world.
Pico feels like Home.
And after a few different houses, I found the Cabin - this magical place in the woods, which nurtured and held me as I went through a crazy holycoaster that life prepared for me. The Cabin is truly my favourite Home I have ever lived in, and I can't thank you enough for opening your heart and allowing me to live there. It's been such a bliss, and I can't thank you enough for that opportunity. There is definitely a part of me wishing that when I return to Pico, I'll have a chance to come back there, but of course, we will see how the life unfolds, and I know I'll be happy either way.
Speaking of homes, in the last month I found a land in Sao João and shook hands on it. I then did what I could to complete the legal process before leaving, but as you know Pico is a teacher of patience. So the legal process continues as I am away, and I'll have to return to sign the papers. I imagine that it will feel like a beginning of a new chapter, and perhaps it will coincide with a longer sailing trip, which is funny, because it somehow mirrors a little bit of your story with this island. Am I going to "pull a Charley" and sail away for twenty years into the Sunset? Perhaps, but even if so, it's only to return. In the last few months it became clear to me that I'm looking for 3 permanent homes, and a sailboat to rotate between them during different "personal seasons" of my life.
Pico is definitely one of these homes, and TDF feels like another one. I have no clue where is the third, but I have a hunch that it's an island somewhere around the Equator. What a beautiful journey to discover and create these Homes. I feel so blessed and privileged to be able to be able to weave a beautiful family in Pico, and then spend a few months in a community of Dreamers in TDF.
From what I've been hearing from little snippets of your life in New Zealand, I can feel that I can relate to a lot of what you are going through - the wonderful feeling of Being together and Belonging, the delicate complexities of social life and governance, the difficulties of unlearning patterns installed into us through the mainstream culture, and the pain-in-the-ass of interacting with the Matrix and all of its bureaucracy, which is taking so much time and energy.
And yet, we are doing it - creating an alternative world, right here, right now. We are the living proof that it is indeed possible, and even if it's not easy and sometimes we have no clue what we are doing, we are still showing up. Humble, clueless, courageous, hopeful, wholehearted, and powerful together.
I have this feeling very much in TDF, where we are building everything from scratch - food systems in the dessert of Alentejo, new culture, social technology, coordination software, and a new model of the flow of resources. There's a lot to create, and it feels natural to be here.
During our TDF Team Retreat that I had the privilege of co-holding, we had a sharing circle about our personal why - why are we creating Traditional Dream Factory. What came up for me, is that it simply makes sense, and while Pico feels like Home, I am right now in the perfect place at the right time. We're prototyping a new model of living meaningfully, in harmony with the Land, and what better thing could I do with my life right now?
The two weeks transition between Pico and TDF set me up on a new chapter, and it is now the time to show up and work and learn and play together in this beautiful place.
The transformation inside of me is very palpable, to the extend that the people here have been noticing. And I am very aware of it too.
A lot has shifted.
Over the last months, I've been becoming clear that the direction I've been moving on is not optimal anymore and it's time for changes. There's a lot to unpack and while I have some threads in my hands, the rabbit hole is very deep indeed. And I embrace it, walking the Path that I feel is unfolding in front of me, trusting, listening and opening my heart wider and wider. I can feel all the conditioning from the Matrix world and all the self-limiting beliefs holding me back. I can see the bad habits, and moments of disconnection when I act not-in-alignment with the values I want to embody. It's painful to notice, but also so precious. I embrace myself with all the imperfections and I embrace the Fear, and I move forward. What else?
Bufo helped tremendously in this process, exposing me to myself again, without intellectual brain limiting what I imagine to be possible. During the Ceremony, my heart asked for Clarity and Courage, and while there is still so much homework for me to do, I can also notice that the Toad has granted me what I needed. In fact - it was all already here, available to me at any point - I just buried it under crap that doesn't matter so much.
And it seems like I'm now in a perfect context to kick-start the next chapter of my life. There's a path that is calling me more and more, which I can't fully articulate yet, and there's still some doubt in my heart, but it's also becoming clearer that it's precisely what I need to embrace. There's something about holding spaces, and doing the "intangible work" of weaving people together and creating an atmosphere of trust and encouraging people to reconnect with their true self and manifest their dreams from a place of abundance that has always been calling me. I still don't have it all figured out, but I trust that I just need to commit to that path and walk on it consistently. It requires time and work, but I'm here for it. I asked the Toad for Clarity and Courage, but the next step, which perhaps is even more difficult, has been already clear to me: Focus and Consistency.
This part is up to me.
There's also a Dream in my heart, which has been growing over the last few months and I feel the call to share it with you. After all, I'm in a place where Big Dreams are manufactured at scale, so what better place to find support for making it happen.
During our Pico Spring Gathering it became clear to me that our Island Family needs a Home. It's sad that our island context doesn't really support living together on a big piece of land, as in Tui or TDF, but that's just context. We can still have a thriving community there - in fact we already do. But a big part is a physical Home - to gather, and steward, and care for. A Home to hold us in the process we are going through together.
Our Gathering was special. I started to remove myself from designing most of the things, and opened the space for more people to step in with their dreams. And then - as by touching of a magic wand - the magic happened. The kids dreamed a playground, which we then build for and with them. We discovered new skills in between ourselves. We connected deeper, and in a more playful way. We involved new people, including visitors from Faial and Sao Miguel. And we followed up on the seeds we have planted during our Autumn Gathering 2021, and witnessed the growth of some of them, such as the Pico Foraging Database and Pico Network.
(Participants in front of the Community Building)
Your Land played a special role in this process.
Living there, in the Cabin, and being able to call people to show up over the last few months has been a blessing. Gingeira really transformed, and new people gravitated in - Silvia, João, and a few guests that visited us in that time. Every one from our Pico Family brought something to the Land - whether improving the Land itself or the structures on it, or providing Love and Care to everyone on site. It's been a bliss to be a part of that neighbourhood and connect with these beautiful people. I feel so grateful for all the Love that I have been showered with, and all the support I have received.
There's a part of me that feels guilty that I haven't been "fully there" - there was so much digital work that at times I felt overwhelmed and had to retreat to my cave to recalibrate. I could have done more work on the Land. I could have held more events. I could have been more present. This is a big part of the lesson that I am learning - I want to be fully present, in one place at a time. I still enjoy the asynchronous online work, and supporting other projects dear to my heart, but I also understand the value of Full Presence, and the computer time tires me, apart from long-form writing - that I can do for hours when the time comes to share something meaningful. Otherwise, I'd rather be with people, myself and / or Nature. The wonderful part of it, is that I don't want things to depend on me - quite the contrary - I love when things get decentralised and after the initial period of catalysing I can step back and open the space for more people to move the energy forward. It is really so beautiful to witness, and it's perhaps the most rewarding part of my Work.
But back to the Big Dream: The Community Home.
I know that you are still uncertain about your future, and yet I have a feeling that if you wish to stay in NZ you will find a way. After all it was pretty much impossible for you to go there, and yet here you are. There's always a way, and I wish you from the bottom of my heart to find yours - whether it leads you to stay in NZ or come back / forward to Pico, or journey to a different place all together.
There are always challenges on our way, but our open hearts can shine and radiate with so much energy and Love that nothing is impossible. I know that you're one of these people who are shining and inspiring others to do the same. And any community is so lucky to have you!
With that in mind, I feel it's important to verbalise something to you:
I'd like to buy the Land in Gingeira from you, if you decide to sell.
While we could look for another place in Pico for our community Home, it just makes so much sense to start with you, as well as honour your vision and energy and Love you have put in the Land and People who connected with you.
The letter goes on for a while longer, but I'll pause it here to sink into the feeling of a cool Alentejo evening and the unusual silence in the courtyard of the Factory of Dreams.
Silence is a wonderful teacher, and the older I get, the more I appreciate it. That's perhaps because I also love Being on the other side of the spectrum - laughing wholeheartedly in a group of people vibing together.
And I find a lot of joy and meaning in discovering how to weave them together, the silence and the laughter, into a beautiful tapestry of Life.
It's such a bliss to be here in TDF, knowing that this is only the beginning of the adventure. I arrived here 8 days ago, and it already feels like infinity, and that's a perfect sign. Timelessness is beautiful and I'm here, Present, to experience it fully.
And it all begins here, as I'm shaping feelings into words, opening my heart a tiny bit more with every typed character, tuning into whatever wants to come through.
Words are indeed powerful, and yet, just like the Darkness, they cannot go beyond themselves.
And it seems that this is precisely where I am going.
Thank you for Witnessing.
(A gratitude token minted by a dear friend during the Abundance Ceremony in Faial.)
Love and Light,
ps. I didn't write my Moonly Review two weeks ago, but I didn't skip my Moonly Video. It was definitely the Island Moon, and it's filled with the most delightful vibes of my favourite archipelago.
If the video above doesn't load, click here.
pps. I also published the reflection on our Pico Spring Gathering. It was an absolutely wonderful experience, and it seems that our congregation is maturing in the most beautiful way. It's an honour to Be a part of it.